Finally, after what felt like the longest offseason ever, we are back with another football season. If only the Badgers hadn’t gotten pooped on last week. Eeeeesh. Joel Stave is a walking dumpster fire. The absolute worst. McEvoy >> Stave, and it’s not even close. Poor McEvoy being stuck playing wide receiver for a quarterback that can’t figure out the position. Remember last year when Stave had “the yips”? THE YIPS!? A Division 1 quarterback. Ugh. I don’t wanna hear how well he’s played 3 weeks from now either. The dude will have played against Miami of Ohio, Troy, and Hawaii. Who?! Exactly.
Anyways, it feels good to be back writing for World Supreme Championship Fantasy Football. For those new to the league, we will be previewing each team, and recapping after each week. We’ll start with the teams in the Western Division.
What better team to start with than last year’s champion Thugs-R-Us. I think it’s safe to say that Mike Hietpas and his squad are a dynasty, winning titles two out of three years. This league has only been around for three seasons and Mike has won two of them. After Monday night’s draft, it appears as though Thugs-R-Us are on their way to contending for title #3. As Mark Jackson would say, “Momma, there goes that man”.
Yahoo graded Thugs-R-Us at the head of the class with an A+ and it’s hard to argue against that. Bringing back Gronk and Odell Beckham Jr for a 3rd and 9th round pick, while adding Matt Forte, Keenan Allen, and managing to find Arian Foster in the 6th round. If that wasn’t enough, Mike managed to draft a pissed off Tom Brady in the 10th round. Jesus Christ.
This is pretty much Mike’s league to lose.
FAVRE DOLLA FOOTLONG
Mr. Vosters got his first tast of the playoffs last year as he had the strongest start of the 2014 season. The combination of Matt Stafford, DeMarco Murray, and Jordy Nelson led Favre Dolla Footlong to a 6-1 record to start the year. With the emergence of Mike Evans, Andy should have entered the playoffs with the #1 seed. However, mismanagement had Favre Dolla Footlong losing the last 5 out of 6 games. Favre Dolla Footlong did find a way to make it to the championship game. Pretty good, huh? Not when you consider that Favre Dolla Footlong started the 2014 with Jeremy Hill and Kelvin Bemjamin. Only to trade them away for Benny Cunningham and Vincent Jackson. Yikes.
Yahoo graded Andy at the middle of the class with a solid B. Not bad, but probably not good enough to get into Madison. Favre Dolla Footlong wisely brought back Mike Evans, and was able to add AJ Green, DeMarco Murray, and Peyton Manning. A very good core, but Andy’s bench is the fantasy football equivalent to one-ply toilet paper. Part of that bench is Colin Kaepernick who’s career is pretty much over. With Jim Harbough taking his khakis to Michigan, Kaepernick is fucked. Luckily, I’ve compiled a list of alternate careers for this clown.
A stand in/stunt double for Gonzo
A stand in/stunt double for Squidward
The Cleveland Indians logo
So I guess he has a couple solid prospects for when he’s out of the league. His days as a quarterback are numbered though.
If you haven’t noticed by now the Western Division took the entire podium last year. That brings us to Robyn and the 3rd place Puddlemere United. Robyn enters the 2015 looking to build on the strongest finish in franchise history. After compiling a 9-4 record last year, Robyn was actually considering using a keeper slot on Eli Manning. Eli “47 Turnovers the Last 2 Seasons” Manning. Luckily, she changed her mind to Dez Bryant.
If any team is going to compete with Thugs-R-Us for the Western Division title, it’s going to be Puddlemere United. Robyn has shown an ability to field a competitive team throughout the season. Navigating through injuries and bye weeks like an absolute pro. Also, bonus points for actually having a team logo.
THE 11TH (PUTZY SCHMUCKS)
The 11th comes in to 2015 as a franchise with limited success. After losing in the 1st round of the 2013 playoffs, Andrew responded by coming in 9th in 2014. Andrew notoriously started the year last year by drafting a handful of players that were no longer in the league. (Sidney Rice, Jermicheal Finley).
Things seem to be looking up for The 11th as they are bringing back Calvin Johnson and Le’veon Bell. However, a lethal combination of league suspensions and injuries will make the 1st month of the season a major challenge for Andrew as he tries to keep pace with the Western juggernauts listed above.
I would have bet money on Andrew selecting Ameer Abdullah out of Nebaska with his 1st available pick. Since he used his 1st and 2nd round picks on Johnson and Bell, his first available pick would have been in the 3rd round. However, with his 3rd round selection, Andrew picked Big Ben Roethlisberger. Not a terrible pick, but Abdullah is your guy!!
In the inaugural season of this league, Sam was a regular season superstar. Absolutely unstoppable. Rookie Mistake won the first 10 of 11 games before losing to Mike in the 1st round of the playoffs. Who else? Rookie Mistake responded by sitting out the 2013 season. After a one year hiatus, Sam fought her way to a 7-6 record. Record-wise, that would have been enough to get into the playoffs, however the total point count is the first tie-breaker, and Rookie Mistake had a handful of weeks where they failed to reach 80 points.
2015 is the year Rookie Mistake needs to prove that the run of 2012 was no fluke. Unfortunately, Sam lives in Minnesota, which puts her in the Western Division. In order for Rookie Mistake to reach the post season, Sam will need to rank within the top three of the Division. Competing with the likes of Thugs-R-Us, Puddlemere United, and Favre Dolla Footlong.
The Lincoln Llamas have made a living at the very bottom of the standings since league inception. The Lincoln Llamas have amassed a record of 14-26 over the last three years. 2013 being their strongest season at 6-7. In spite of having Peyton Manning and Marshawn Lynch in back to back seasons, Becky was never able to put together a winning roster.
In spite of team history, I’m calling it. Becky and the Lincoln Llamas will reach the post season in 2015. I don’t know how, or who she’ll beat out, but the Lincoln Llamas will be there when the dust settles. Lock it up.