Oooooooh, does it feel good to be back. You can all thank Andrew for requesting the return of the weekly recap. You know what doesn’t feel good? Watching Joel Stave try and run the Wisconsin offense. Just awful. Every time I watch a game, I text Vosters about how its Tanner McEvoy time.
You can win games with a white running quarterback. See Eric Crouch and Taylor Martinez. What’s that? They’re both Nebraska quarterbacks? Not relevant. Although it is weird that they both ran a 4.47 40 yard dash. I think the Badgers would be better off if McEvoy played WR and QB at the same time. He could throw the ball, run downfield and catch it, Curt Hennig style.
Is there anything better than a grown man with a bleached pony tail?
We will recap each team going by ranking. Starting with Schmidt Schmidt. “Momma, there goes that man!!”
Going into the 2015 season, the Woodville Peckers record as a franchise was 10-16, having never reached the post season. That’s pretty bad considering Schmidt Schmidt has his fantasy team logo as the floor mats in his car.
I guess it doesn’t really matter as long as the plates aren’t expired….right?
As we progressed through our draft in August it was hard not to take notice of the team that the Woodville Peckers were assembling. Being able to carry over Antonio Brown and Andrew Luck from last year, while also adding Eddie Lacy and a sneaky good pick in Latavius Murray has Schmidt primed to lock up the Eastern Division before week 10. The real surprise this season for Schmidt Schmidt has been Devonta Freeman. Freeman was a pile of shit last season with a SEASON TOTAL of 57.3 points. Sell high while you can, dude.
Yahoo has jumped on the Woodville Peckers bandwagon, projecting Schmidt Schmidt to finish with a 12-1 record. No pressure, dude.
I know the actual team name doesn’t have a Z in it, but if that’s that team name, why not do it all the way? Speaking of which, Thugs-R-Us doesn’t really have any sketchy players on it this year. I’d say Percy Harvin MAYBE, and he has since been traded so perhaps a name change is in order? Speaking of team names/logos, it’s week 5 and six teams still have to default logo that Yahoo! gave them. C’mon guys. If Thugs-R-Us has Tom Brady and doesn’t use this photo, he should have to trade him away to a team that will.
When the season started, it appeared as though Mike would take over the league and never give it back. Watching the live projections of weeks one and two hit the 150 mark, I thought Thugs-R-Us was going to crack 200 at one point. In week 3, Thugs-R-Us fell to Favre Dolla Footlong after scoring a season low 107 points. In week 4, Mike managed to score even fewer points but luckily it was against the lowly, lowly, lowly Dundas Blues and Thugs-R-Us was able to climb to 3-1.
Thugs-R-Us welcomes the return of Brady and Gronkowski from the bye week as Mike heads into a week 5 matchup with the leagues 2nd highest scoring team. As of Wednesday afternoon, Thugs-R-Us is a 7 point dog.
LOWER EAST LEVIATHANS
If you’re a fan of Supernatural, Jordan probably has the best team name in our league. If you’re not a fan of Supernatural, you can go to hell. Jordan enters the league taking over the terrible, awful, no good team that Nicky G left for him in 2014. Representing the lower east side of Milwaukee’s downtown, specifically the Brady Street area, also known as hipster heaven. Sorry, dude.
I didn’t expect a lot out of this team in 2015, only because his choice of keeper players was pretty poor, which left Jordan at a disadvantage. Lower East Leviathans did have an extra 1st round pick at their disposal though which was not wasted in Jamaal Charles.
Jordan has been able to eclipse 100 points in every week except week 2, a loss to the undefeated Woodville Peckers. Week 5 will be another tough matchup for Jordan going up against the league’s highest scoring team, Thugs-R-Us. Currently the favorite, a win would most certainly put Jordan in the conversation for league’s best team.
Kitty Kitty Kitty Cath tanked her season last year to ensure herself a high enough draft spot to bring back Aaron Rodgers for another two years, assuming she keeps him next year, which we all know she will. A former league champion, I can’t argue with her strategy as my trophy case is still empty. The manager of Green’N’Yello is no stranger to hardware as Cathy was a two-time, two-time, two-time, defensive MVP of Kaukauna Girls Varsity Soccer. I knew a girl in High School who played JV as a senior. We all knew who it was, so I won’t mention her by name. Speaking of Kaukauna, did you guys know that Riverview has 5th graders now too? Why?
Anyways, in classic Green’N’Yello fashion, Cathy made sure to bring Aaron Rodgers favorite target Randall Cobb back and the short term returns have been tremendous. Specifically in week 3 when they combined for 63 points. Poor Josh. He showed up that week too. Josh!?
Green’N’Yello continued to roll in week 4 against Rookie Mistake, winning by 22 points. Granted, Sam was only able to score 70 points. With the win, Cathy is the Eastern Division’s 3rd ranked team, 4th overall. By the way, if the playoffs were today, the East would have 4 teams to the West’s 2 teams. Juuuust sayin’.
Green’N’Yello squares off against Favre Dolla Footlong in week 5.
Nikolay Vosters started out the year strong as she rolled through Green’N’Yello and Full Blown Fades, but a Drew Brees injury had ThankYouLordBreesus’s season in jeopardy as elite QB’s, or even decent QB’s can be hard to come by. (See Full Blown Fades, Dundas Blues, The 11th) Abby dropped week 3, but was able to respond in week 4 with a victory over Favre Dolla Footlong.
I think even if I wasn’t doing recaps this year I would recap week 4 to point out that Andy only scored 53 points. Woof.
Abby’s roster doesn’t have a lot of star power, but the combination of Brees, Ingram, and Eiffert should be enough to keep ThankYouLordBreesus in games. If we had an award for GM of the year, Abby would win it for both Eastern and Western Divisions every year as Abby has a heavy influence with Favre Dolla Footlong.
ThankYouLordBreesus squares off against the 11th in week 5. As of Wednesday afternoon, Abby is a 38.75 underdog.
This will be the 6th team recap, and only the 2nd team from the West. The Western Division ruled the podium last season so this shift is somewhat surprising. It is still only week 5 though so there’s a lot of time for teams in the West to get their poop together.
Andrew’s squad ranking in the top half is a refreshing change as the 11th(formerly Putzy Schmucks) hasn’t had a ton of success. A 5th place finish in 2013, and a 9th place finish in 2014 isn’t exactly something for fans of the franchise to get excited about. For what it’s worth, Andrew is off to his best start in franchise history, and with his strongest roster to date, perhaps this is the year the 11th makes a deep playoff run.
Andrew has arguably the best WR core in the league with Julian Edelman, Calvin Johnson, Amari Cooper, and James Jones, yet Le’Veon Bell is the only RB worth mentioning. Andrew is also planning to start Marcus Mariota at QB, so perhaps a trade is in the works. Just don’t make an offer for Cooper as you’d be wasting your time. Right, dude?
Andrew is projected to score 111 points in week 5 against ThankYouLordBreesus IF Karlos Williams plays, however his available is cloudy as he is going through to concussion protocol.
This is Sam’s third season in our fantasy football league and she still isn’t sure how to add/drop players via the waiver wire. Yet she has accumulated a 2-2 record. Last year, Rookie Mistake was able to win seven games without putting together any real streak or momentum. So far in 2015, Rookie Mistake is having a similar year. Alternating wins and losses in each of the first four weeks.
Julio Jones was Sam’s lone keeper from the 2014 season, and he has made the difference. In games where Julio scores 20+, Rookie Mistake is 2-0. Now if that cock-ass Dovonta Freeman would stop scoring all of Atlanta’s touchdowns, Sam will be in good shape. Rookie Mistake goes into week 5 showdown against league best Peckers of Woodville.
FAVRE DOLLA FOOTLONG
Mr. Vosters comes into week 5 after scoring only 53 points in week 4. FIFTY-THREE points. Perhaps it was on purpose because he was playing his wife and didn’t feel like sleeping on the couch. Although having slept on said couch myself, it’s pretty comfortable.
Anyways, on paper, Favre Dolla Footlong is pretty talented squad. With AJ Green and Mike Evans at WR, and Jonathon Stewart and DeMarco Murray at RB, Vosters has the roster to contend in the West. You have to assume that Philadelphia will figure out it’s offense and allow Murray to return to stud form while Jamis Winston will find a way to get Mike Evans the ball more often. I like where this roster is at.
All that still doesn’t excuse the 53 points. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude…
Before the season started, I predicted that Becky and the Lincoln Llamas would end their post season drought. In return, Becky has the Lincoln Llamas off to a 1-3 start. Ugh. The Lincoln Llamas roster has the talent to compete. Matt Ryan, Emmanuel Sanders, and Marshawn Lynch alone should be enough to stay competitive. Even after donating Julian Edelman to The 11th. I am still sticking to my pick as the Lincoln Llamas being one of the 6 teams to make it to the post season. Perhaps once Marshawn Lynch is healthy, Becky will hit her stride.
The Lincoln Llamas face Full Blown Fades in week 5
I had to double and triple check that Puddlemere United was really the 10th ranked team in the league. How in the world? Brandon Marshall has been Mr. Consistent while Larry Fitz has turned back the clock, but then looking at how poorly Matt Stafford has been playing and the lack of quality RB talent it starts to make sense. I love me some Gio Bernard, but he’s a weekly flex at best.
Week 1 was a nightmare for Robyn as Mike unleashed the Patriots on Thursday and refused to call off the dogs on Sunday. Terrible. Luckily for Puddlemere United, they play against the league’s worst team in the Dundas Blues. After the Dundas Blues it’s a very manageable schedule of the Lincoln Llamas and Rookie Mistake. Very Doable.
FULL BLOWN FADES
Last year Josh allowed the autopick bot to draft his entire team. Before the season even started, Josh seemed to be selling off his quality players for scrubs. As the season went on it appeared he knew what he was doing all along. However, he stupidly mortgaged his 2015 season by dealing a 1st round pick for the services of AJ Green. We saw Josh attempt to improve the roster of Full Blown Fades this year in trades to acquired Melvin Gordon, Ameer Abdullah, and THE Carlos Hyde. Or Maybe he just wants a stable of Big 10 RBs. Either way things aren’t looking great for Josh. His talent at WR is sub-par and the RBs he coveted aren’t much better.
Full Blown Fades has time to turn this season around, but all signs point to this being a rebuild year for JoshBigWang
EVP has had a thing for finding WR talent in the later rounds. (See Emmanuel Sanders, Kelvin Benjamin) This year it appeared as though Nelson Agholor, Brandon Coleman, and Phillip Dorsett were going to carry that torch in 2015. Unfortunately, none of the WR on the Dundas Blues roster have contributed much, if anything at all. Adams and Agholor really hurt too. How could they be this useless. Ugh
This complete lack of WR talent provoked EVP to make a trade of Odell Beckham Jr, but it came at the price of Adrian Peterson. Not a bad trade considering the Dundas Blues depth at RB.
As is the case with Full Blown Fades, there is still time to turn the season around, but the wins need to start piling up. Last season EVP started out 1-5 and was able to pull out a 7-6 record. Could that be the case again this year? You better fuckin’ believe it.